Still Born, Still Loved.

We completed day one of our shoot for Still Born, Still Loved yesterday. We travelled down to East Sussex on Saturday night, and early Sunday morning our DoP Emma Dalesman, Sound Recordist Grant Bridgeman and I arrived at Bethany and Stephen Morris's house. Bethany and Stephen made us so welcome, offering us breakfast, lunch and home baked cakes throughout the day. And it was fantastic to meet their beautiful dog Mr Darcy, who is regal indeed!

The shoot was difficult emotionally and very draining for Stephen and Bethany, who were amazing and so open hearted, sharing with us their story of how they lost their twin daughters Harriet and Felicity. It was hard for them to go through all the pain again, especially as it still so raw, only being four months since their girls were stillborn. Thanks so much to both of them for being so open and sharing so much with us. They also showed us the girl's nursery and all their presents, cards and keepsakes. Bethany very bravely read some diaries she's kept to the girls. There were many tears, and not just from Bethany and Stephen. Although this was hard, it will be powerful stuff indeed for our film, and so we all felt it had been worth it to make a film that will make a huge difference to so many people.

In a week's time Stephen and Bethany and the Born Silently team will undergo a 325 mile cycle challenge in memory of their girls, and to raise money for Tommy's and TAMBA baby charities. We will be following the on this journey and wish them well! You can see full details of their journey and sponsor them here: http://bornsilently.blogspot.co.uk/

Bethany and Stephen are a truly inspirational couple, who have focused all their grief and energy on doing something spectacular for their girls as a way of channelling their love for them.

Thanks so much to them, our crew and our sponsors for getting to to this stage.

We still have so much more to film, please support us to carry on doing this fantastic work, making a difference and raising awareness about baby loss.

Thanks

We've hit our target today and I'm delighted! Thanks so much everyone that has donated. This is great.

Any new sponsors though - please do still donate. The cost of entire film means we still have around another £80,000 to raise, so every single donation will still be used to completing the film.

Thanks everyone. You're all kind and wonderful xx

I'm delighted to say that we've had loads of professional, experienced bikers off to help us with our first phase of our shoot when we follow the Born Silently Cycle Challenge on their journey from East Sussex to North Yorkshire. Thanks so much. We're lookig foward to the ride! Just a helicopter to find next ..... we're working on it!

Lots of exciting developments have taken place in the last few days. We have our team confirmed and a new Line Producer has been appointed, this is Peter Fraser, who has come on board yesterday to help us get all our logisitcs in place. We also have Isla Badenoch assisting Peter and the rest of the team, here in Sheffield. Thanks Peter and Isla for coming on board.

We have confirmed our shooting schedule for phase one of our shoot. This will be the cycle challenge with Bethany and Stephen Morris. We will be filming a very long cycle ride for a week, that they will undertake in memory of their twin daughters Harriet and Felicity. You can see more about this here: http://bornsilently.blogspot.co.uk/

We have ordered all our camera kit and are getting everything else sorted out and ready to go. We will be doing some filming with Bethany and Stephen before the cycle challenge begins, so our first shoot date is confirmed as Sunday 4th November...in 3 weeks time. Exciting!

Thanks to all of you that have helped us get this far. We're nearly at our target, and hoping we get there and beyond. This is only phase one, we've much more to film and much more to raise so please keep supporting us. We need your help. Share our link, spread the word!

Thank you!

Thanks to all our sponsors so far. At nine days we're at 62% of our goal, and have 24 backers. This is fantastic! Please keep those donations coming in so that we can start shooting as soon we can. Thanks so much everyone xx

An Ugly Pair of Shoes
Author Unknown

I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable Shoes.
I hate my shoes.

Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.

I can tell in others’ eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realise that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in the world.

Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don’t hurt quite as much.
Some have walked in these shoes so long that days will go by before they think of how much they hurt.

No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet because of the shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.

They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.

Huge thanks to Louise Lawrence and William Tapley for their donation today in memory of their precious little daughter, Clemency Elizabeth Tapley who was born sleeping on the 7th August 2012. Louise and William who are going through a hellish time right now. William has written to the Times and also letters to local MP's and the Secretary of Health about the negligent care they received during Louise's labour. Here is an exert from this letter:

"Whilst I cannot tell you how insufferable and unending is the pain of losing a child, I can tell you that instead of going to Clemency's room to say goodnight, we go to the cemetery. Instead of changing her nappy, we change the flowers on her grave. We lie awake, night after night, haunted by the fact that our perfectly healthy baby should have lived and would have lived if the NHS did things differently."
William Tapley, Father to Clemency Elizabeth Tapley, born sleeping on 07/08/12

Many thanks for your support during this terrible time. Love and strength to you both.

Peekaboo

For a 'short film' Peekaboo is ambitious in every sense. Visually it has an epic, ethereal quality to it and the performances are amazing...but it's real impact is in it's simple, devasting storytelling. A man and a woman trying to deal with a situation often considered too 'sensitive' to talk about...stillbirth and it's effects on the mental health of those struggling with loss. A courageous, moving and necessary piece of work. It's one of those films that stays with you. When I saw it in Sheffield it was one of those times in the cinema when the silence before the applause, spoke volumes.
 

About Debbie Howard

Debbie Howard is one of those rare artists who's work is an authentic reflection of life. I've known of Debbie's work for years, through her short films. What I find most impressive about her is her passion. Just to make a film is an achievement in itself but...to make a film with heart, courage and beauty...however harsh or unpalatable the subject matter may be...is astonishing. As a writer she seems drawn to harsh truths, real life incidents and uncomfortable dilemmas. As a film maker she then fashions those stories through the visual medium with the sophistication of a seasoned auteur. However stark the landscape...it always looks beautiful. And one is always left moved by an intelligent, visceral experience. I know quite a few actors who have worked with her...they all say the same...not only is she a generous director, but she works organically, taking ideas and suggestions in order to make the best work possible. It shows. Her intention is in every line, image and sound.
It seems an obvious, natural progression for her to take the next bold, imaginative and creative step into feature films. A bigger canvas will allow her to develop as an artist and will, no doubt, give her the creative space to explore her chosen craft even further.

I wanted to write this review immediately after watching Peekaboo, so that I could recall my initial response to it. I was crying a lot by the end of this incredibly moving short film.

The film gets straight into showing the aftermath of the loss of a baby. Moving house must be a very difficult choice for any parents who have lost a baby, as the baby becomes inextricably linked to the house you have most memory of them in. The choice about keeping some items is one that most parents face, and stumbling upon those items produces great emotion which is accurately portrayed by the actors playing the parents.

I recall cradling Finley’s clothes just like that. The memory of holding my stillborn baby is so powerful, that cradling his clothes even now brings back those precious moments. People who have not been through a loss, may see the mother caring for the baby’s clothes and making bottles as extreme and perhaps illness. As a Mum who has lost a baby it is very easy to see how living in that fantasy world is easier than facing what has happened. I am sure that most baby loss parents can recognise elements of that behaviour in themselves. I know I can, I vividly remember a new routine in the early days of going into Finley’s room and drawing the curtains, turning on the light only later to return to an empty nursery with an empty cot and turn the light off.

The role of the Dad is portrayed so sensitively, showing his own private grief while looking at the memory box. And also showing the care and support he gave his wife, in helping her face up to what happened. The last scene is a very beautiful ending – a family together in mind and heart.

Mel Scott
Author of After Finley – mother to Poppet and Finley in her heart and Toni-Joi in her arms.